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I Bought 12 Million ExGirlFriend Coins Because I Have An Ex-Girlfriend

Breaking Up Is Easy When You Have EXGF Coin.

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Spencer Kellogg | @TheNewTreasury

In my search to find the most undervalued (and stupid) cryptocurrency projects in existence, I drunkenly stumbled across ExGirlFriend Coin late last night. The project, which is part ICO and part airdrop, claims to have absolutely “NO USE AT ALL”.

Naturally, I bought a ton.

I’ve had a lot of ex-girlfriends but I’ve never had an ExGirlFriend Coin. Until last night that is. The mysterious person(s) behind the venture have suggested that men can buy this token when in the throngs of heartbreak or in anticipation of a lover’s quarrel. If you give EXGF to your girlfriend and she ends the relationship, you can simply ask for your coins back.

Brilliant.

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At its core, this is a project with no use case except the thin promise that it will sooth your existential misery. So basically, it’s like 99% of crypto. I couldn’t resist.

I hastily signed onto Facebook and searched for my most recent ex. After reliving the bitter pain I felt at the end of our break-up, I dimmed the lights, turned up some Al Green and keyed into MyEtherWallet. I unlocked a wallet I hadn’t touched in over a year and sent $5 dollars of scrap ether to the address listed. 30 seconds later, my wallet was filled with hundreds of thousands of brand new, meaningless EXGF tokens.

And you know what? It felt great! So I bought some more. About 11 1/2 million more.

It reminded me of my two-year long love/hate relationship with cryptocurrency. One day it’s worth something and the next you’re explaining to your wife how you flushed all her grandmother’s savings down the toilet on a pipe dream sold to you by a snake oil salesman named Carlos Mattos.

If you’re a savvy investor and need some more convincing before you send a thick stack of ether to a token that has less inherent value than a CryptoRandyMarsh All Starz Card, let’s peel back the curtains a bit on the ideological weight of the project. Check out this reassuring paragraph from the developer of EXGF:

Having a breakup is really rough but having a girlfriendcoin fixes the problem. There’s absolutely no use of EXGF Coin right now apart from telling people that you own EXGF coin. If you are single, you can get EXGF coin in memory of your EX-GF. If your girlfriend breaks up with you, EXGF developer will give you 100000 EXGF Coin for free to ease the pain.

I know what you’re thinking; ‘how can I buy some ExGirlfriend Coin?’ I know this because I thought the same exact thing. Luckily, for all the men scooping their broken hearts off of vomit covered floors at their ex-girlfriends rat infested ‘apartment’, EXGF’s developer has provided three easy steps to turn your never ending frown upside down.

Sad boy investors are invited to purchase EXGF by clicking here. With a maximum supply of 100 billion coins and an exchange rate of 1 ETH = 100 Million EXGF, the valuation of EXGF is just a bit north of $500,000K. Looking at other dead and buried projects in that same valuation range, it is easy to see how EXGF could possibly provide substantial gains for love-torn cryptocurrency neckbeards if it does manage to reach Cryptopia or Tradsatoshi.

According to the developer on Twitter, there are hopeful plans to have the coin listed on EtherDelta and possibly IDEX as well. The developer has graciously offered a reward for the recently heartbroken: “If your girlfriend breaks up with you, I will give you 100,000 EXGF Coin for free to ease the pain.” The dev team has also incentivized purchasing the tokens outright by providing large kickback bonuses for buyers. The EXGF team is also currently working on a website/social networking site that will utilize the coin.

EXGF’s Twitter already boasts over 3,000 followers after launching this month. With star-studded testimonials from the likes of Brad Pitt & Satoshi Nakamoto himself, this coin is headed on a direct path to the moon.

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***Although EXGF is a very real coin, thisĀ  is not meant as financial advice. I do not advise buying millions of EXGF even though I, myself, did. I mean, if your girlfriend breaks up with you then maybe grab a couple mil for the long winter. Otherwise, stick to the shallows.***

Image Source Pixabay

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