Recently, two Facebook users posted a surprising event. With a mass of many types of internet memelords, they plan to storm the Area 51 compound on September 20th; the event will take place from 3:00 to 6:00 in the morning. Based on some supplementary posts, it’s pretty clear it was a meme designed to garner internet publicity. Boy, did it work. On Friday, the United States Air Force, via spokeswoman Laura McAndrews, reached out to those who have declared that they’re going, threatening violence against anyone who shows up at the compound.
Storming Area 51
The crowd of 722,000 and counting has joined together online in a purported quest to “see them aliens”. The hilarity is obvious in the complete lack of seriousness that the invitation otherwise displays. It notes that “if we naruto run, we can move faster than their bullets”. This is a reference to Naruto Ozumaki, a Japanese anime character who famously runs with his head jutted out forward and his arms behind his back. There is no evidence that the naruto run actually improves human speed.
Facebook user Jackson Barnes has formulated a “plan” to make it to Area 51.
The basic idea is that the Kyles form the front line, if we feed them enough psilocybin and monster energy and say that anyone in camoflague is their step dad, and the entire base is made of drywall then they will go beserk and become an impenetrable wall.
Then the Rock Throwers will throw pebbles at the inevitable resistance (we dont want to hurt them, we just want to annoy them enough to not shoot the kyles as often)
While this is all happening, the two naruto runner battallions will run full speed around the north and south flank, and shadow clone jutsu, effectively trippling our numbers, and overwhelm the base (red circle).
In addition to the clear satire within the Storm Area 51 event, Barnes added a personal disclaimer to his plan. He noted that “this is a joke, and I do not actually intend to go ahead with this plan. I just thought it would be funny and get me some thumbsy uppies on the internet“. Despite this, the military took it seriously.
The Air Force Threat
On July 12th, Air Force spokeswoman Laura McAndrews voiced stone-cold words of warning to the internet jokers. Rather than joining in the fun, she voiced stern threats of violence against anyone who shows up in September.
“[Area 51] is an open training range for the U.S. Air Force, and we would discourage anyone from trying to come into the area where we train American armed forces”, McAndrews asserted. Hoping to dissuade the satirical crowd with the threat of force, she added: “The U.S. always stands ready to protect America and its assets”.
McAndrews did not immediately respond to comment in regards to whether the Air Force would protect the base over the lives of American civilians hoping to enter it. As of 2013, the CIA does acknowledge the existence of Area 51. A secretive military airline, JANET, also flies regularly to it.
This story will update as more information becomes available.
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